Wednesday, July 21, 2010

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Directly from our small town police beat:

Fraud - A 34-year-old man contacted police on Saturday at 1:40 p.m. and reported that he ordered a mail order bride named Natalia from Russia and she was supposed to arrive at his home in the 400 block of XYZ Street to marry him, but she did not show up.

The nerve! The wedding was supposed to be at 1:00, and now the ice sculptures have melted in the 90-degree heat and the string quartet has another gig at 2:00. Poor guy, now he's never going to see his return on investment for that augmentation surgery she said she needed to fit into her wedding gown.

Animal - A woman in the 100 block of XYZ Street reported Wednesday afternoon there were baby rabbits in her yard with no mother rabbit around to care for them. The woman asked police to do something, but was advised to let nature take its course.

I wonder if she worries about those lonely earthworms on the driveway too?

Breaking and Entering - On Thursday morning at 1:59 a.m., a 21-year-old woman reported a male subject attempted to break into her apartment on XYZ Drive through the patio door. The subject was chased away by the woman's boyfriend before entry could be gained. Two hours later, the boyfriend called police after locating the subject in the woods. An altercation ensued, and the boyfriend reported the subject was now likely to have some missing teeth and a broken nose.

Crime solved? = No. Ass kicked? = Affirmative.

All identities have been changed, except for that hussie Natalia, who totally deserves to be called out.

6 comments:

Carol said...

funny. That's better that the crazy murders that happened here 2 weeks ago.

Michelle said...

LOL! and Omigod! Thanks for the giggles. :-)

GA-P said...

Lol. Oh, I miss the small town life!

Quilting in My Pyjamas said...

I wish our daily paper did this as a feature. At least it would be worth reading then .

Funny ...loved reading this because it made me feel much more normal and super smart really...

Elizabeth said...

ROFL! Thanks so much!

xo -E

joemilitello33@yahoo.com said...

Sounds like Bozeangeles. Medical marijuana has been on the front page of the local paper for 13 out of the last 15 days.

My favorite this week:

"Police were called to North 7th St., where a naked man was driving a Subaru with a dog in the front seat and approaching pedestrians and apologizing for his behavior."

What The Fuck?

Hey, I'm really sorry I'm driving around naked in my car with my dog, but I just gotta be me.