Thursday, March 11, 2010

You Drive Us Wild, We'll Drive You Crazy

I had my first belly laugh of the day at about 10:00 p.m. tonight. Over a pair of shoes.

Now, I am all about the sensible shoes. Low heel, good fit, supportive. Pretty boring, but I value the comfort of my knee joints and tootsies over style. If I can find something remotely attractive within the above parameters, it's a bonus. Oh, and they've got to come in a size 12. Wide.

So I was surprised that a search at for (hopefully cute, spring-y) wedges in my size turned up 15 pages. I clicked from page to page, eliminating many on heel height alone, when along about the fourth page in were these bad boys:

Are they not ridiculous?

Are they not...kind of awesome? You know, like if I were 19 again and a foot shorter? With jet black hair and heavy makeup and leather?

Just when I thought I'd seen the crazy, I came to page 13 and these:

Hello? Herman Munster called and wants his shit-kickers back.

The people at apparently have a sense of humor. The description for these advises that you "get punchy in your best Goth garb, or hop on along to the monster truck rally in this outrageously high-fashion leather lace-up."

The question is whether I would clear the doorway first.

The further I searched, the more laughable the shoes became. Ralph Lauren designed this one, which he calls the Jenaya sandal.

I call it "Pocahontas Makes a Porno."

Here is "Luke Skywalker Meets The Dude for White Russians."

How about "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and Under the Lawnmower Blade."

As you might guess, my shopping cart remained empty, but my mood was definitely lighter after this. Retail therapy, indeed.

While this is a far cry from a sewing-related post, it is a reminder that you never know where you might find inspiration. And if it makes you laugh, bonus!


  1. I think my favorite is "Pocahontas Makes a Porno". That cracked me up!

  2. Hey, the first pair are quite similar to those sported by the Abby character on NCIS. Of course, she does have the spiderweb tat on her neck.....

    Ha! Pocahontas Makes A Porno. :-) You could certainly jazz up a catalog ad!


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